Gary Numan: June 7, 2016. My Mum died today, and I am heartbroken beyond
It cannot be possible that a better Mother has ever existed. I have been wrapped in love, care and kindness since the second I was born. It never wavered, not once, no matter what I did, or how often I let her down. Absolute and unconditional.
She has guided and helped my brother John and I through every stage of our lives, from tiny babies to the men we are today. Through triumphs and disasters, successes and failures, great things, and shameful things. She has been there to lift us higher, or help get us back on our feet. There is nothing she wouldn't do, at any time, throughout my entire life, if she thought it would help, even if it was just to make us smile. She made us feel anything was possible, that we could do anything, be anything, and she gave us the courage to
I have only good memories. My childhood is one long happy memory of being, along with my Dad and John, the most important thing in the world, her world. Always safe, always secure, always loved. That blanket of love, that cocoon of protection and support, gave me a start in life that I was never able to repay, and it has comforted me every day that I have breathed air. She made us laugh, kept our secrets, joined our battles, surrounded us with warmth and never ending
She was remarkable, unique, and so I find myself sitting here, filled with a sadness that constantly overflows. Shocked at the speed at which it all came to an end. I love her so much, I have so much to be grateful to her for, so much to be thankful to her for. It's impossible to truly grasp that I will never see her again, that I will never talk to her again. I have a lot of pain still to come, but it will be a good pain. Every tear will be a witness to the love she earned, the love she deserves. Every sob will be a celebration of the never ending love she leaves
Her long, defiant battle against many forms of cancer has been a shining inspiration, not just to me, but to so many other people that she helped along the way. She seemed genuinely indestructible. So much so, that I think sometimes, the true horror of what she was fighting, and the enormous suffering she endured, seemed almost as nothing. She bore it all with such incredible courage that she made it seem far less than it really was. Where others have succumbed to this horrific disease at the first hurdle, she has run countless marathons and more, for decades, and literally fought to the very last breath. Not only did she never complain, as breast, skin, throat and bone cancers attacked her relentlessly, she laughed, for year, after year, after year. I have never seen bravery like
But now she's gone, and I am alone in the dark. These words are clumsy and do her no justice at all, and I'm so sorry for that. I wish I could do better. But, I am
But, broken or not, a word also about my Dad. I have always admired my Dad beyond all other men. He is the man that, and I'm not sure even to this day that he's aware of this, set every standard for me to aspire to, in all those areas that are truly important. Loyalty, integrity, courage, kindness and generosity, to name but a few. Before I had a family of my own his praise was the only praise that mattered to me. It's still hugely important. He is a good man, and the best father I could ever wish
But, if I loved him absolutely before today, and I did, I love him far more now. The love and care that he has given my Mum in her final days has been nothing short of incredible. No matter how sad it has been, it has been a beautiful thing to witness. Such total love and devotion is a very rare thing. After sixty years together they still laughed and played like love struck teenagers, sharing every moment in a bond never broken. Through every agonising stage of my Mum's long, long battle, he has been right there by her side, doing whatever needed to be done, and so much more. She could not, would not, have survived all these years without him. What he has gone through these last few weeks I can't begin to imagine. But he has done it with a strength and composure that I can hardly believe. My admiration for him I didn't think could be any higher, but I was wrong. What a fantastic husband he has been to my Mum, what a fantastic father he is to John and I. He is a phenomenal, remarkable human being, and I stand humble but proud in his
What a couple they have been. What an example to the world, as husband and wife, as parents, as grandparents. Truly
But my Mum has gone, and I miss her. I love her so much, but life will never be the same
Bye bye Mum. Until I see you again xxxxx.
Beryl & Gary’s Children
Beryl & Gary
Beryl Webb 1938 to 2016